Just like some people have the Sunday night and Monday morning blues I get January blues. For me they initially manifest as relationship or career issues, such as blaming my husband and/or finding fault in my work performance. Yet they generally reveal a mini existential crisis where I find myself questioning my reason for being. I get weighed down by expectations and ask myself, “I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing”; or “Life is too hard, why am I here?”
It took me several years to pick up this pattern and I now have coping strategies in place to help me along the way. Now I treat January as a gentle month.
Tools for self-gentleness
- One of the most helpful tools I use is to become very aware of the expectations I have of myself. I notice that, like many people I know, I am quite driven and have a lot of goals to guide my busy life. So I choose to make New Year resolutions that will support me to feel more fulfilled rather than adding more potentially stress-producing goals. For example, I might choose the goal to congratulate myself at the end of the day for the things I did well that day, or soak in an inviting bath or allow myself to indulge in whatever makes me feel good.
- As well as having these supportive resolutions in place, I also respond gently and with kindness when I am not able to be my best; like I would respond to a friend. Often when I fall short of my expectations, my initial reaction may be quite harsh, so I use my experiences as a work in progress and allow myself to make mistakes. Then again, I can question whose definition of ‘right’ I am trying to live up to. Best of all, I do this on every Monday throughout the year.
The act of modifying my normal demands of life until I feel like I have firm footing once again is an act of self-love that helps me glide into the year more gently. By the time February comes along I usually have touched into a deeper connection with life that flows through me. This plan works for me. You might like to create a plan with whatever tools work for you, remembering that we are human and we will have times that we don’t stick with our plan. When that happens we have a choice; will we choose to default to being hard on ourselves, or will we choose a lighter response of acceptance and forgiveness?
I find myself tuning back in with the larger picture, and letting go of my petty or not-so big struggles.
-Linda Jane Jervis
Volunteer Caregiver Coach with NSCR’s Caregiver Support Program. Thank you Linda, for bringing your insight and positive energy to the time you spend with our caregivers.