October 2019 – North Van Caregivers

‘Hope Springs Eternal’ : Week in Life, Sept-October, 2019

‘when one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners’

Zora Neile Hurston

Compilation of Notes from September 2019:

I suggest the following grounding exercise for ‘monkey mind’ syndrome:

First, take a breath. Then, notice 3 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, and 3 things you can touch. Next, go down to 2 things (2 things you can see, hear, and touch), and then 1 thing (you can see, hear and touch). Trust me, it works. Former Caregiver Group Coordinator, Karyn Davies introduced it to me.

Caregiving for two octogenarians has a way of combating my habit of procrastination. You realize, with some trepidation, that at any moment, your life can change on a dime (as Leonard Cohen once said), due to a sudden fall, for example. If you really need to do something, you do it, you don’t put it off for long. This is what I’ve learned since last summer. In this way, caregiving focuses me.

Sept 25:

In the early morning, I take out my garbage, as usual. In the distance, I spot a street person looking in my neighbour’s recycling box. I signal to him to come to ours, he smiles a toothless grin. We connect, two human beings, and then go our separate ways.

Sept 27

The concept of ‘investment’ is interesting. I don’t mean financial, I mean rather, emotional. In this way I am deeply ‘invested’ in my parents’ well-being and safety. How invested are my siblings? One lives a good deal far away. Is this only a geographical distance, or does my sibling seek another kind of distance?

Sept 29

At times it’s difficult to balance career (autonomy) and caregiving duties. At these times I am reminded of the archery metaphor of parenting. In this metaphor the children are the arrow, and the parents are the bow from which the arrow springs. The arrow is the children’s ultimate destiny.

October:

Oct 1^st

Deep in the labyrinth of the gerontological health system. At these times a quote I once heard comes to mind:

‘Damn it, how will I ever get out of this labyrinth?’

The labyrinth, I find, is like the 9-dots exercise (just Google 9 dots puzzle). As soon as you struggle, you don’t get it. When you relax and are clear, the solution reveals itself, like mist evaporating on a Spring morning.

Honestly, think of all the changes my father has experienced in his 80-odd years of life. I’d be confused too if I were him. In the city in which I live, there is endless construction. Once familiar landmarks are lost in a matter of weeks. Ours is a rapidly evolving society. Even I cannot keep up with the pace of change, so how could he, a man who once sat on the back of Bert the bread man’s horse and buggy?

PS Thinking about our dear departed animal companion, an American Field Lab. Also a rescue dog. We miss him like crazy. As I said to my mother: “we are all fur-deprived!”

If you, dear reader, are fortunate enough to have a furry friend, please give him a hug for me now.

In the spirit of the times, forever changing,

CAB

(I am now calling myself CAB, rather than the previous ‘Calm Pond’)

Release Into Lightness

Heavy

Legs like tree trunks

Arms like overcooked noodles

Plodding through quicksand

Body dragging behind

Slow

Time won’t wait

Mind in the gutter

Heavy heart

Sinking into nothingness

But wait

Fire in the belly

Strength in the soul

Softness in the Spirit

The weight lifts

Light

How do you release heaviness in your life?

Eco Psychology ~ What’s That?

Healing is optimal when we follow the natural rhythms of our lives, our environments and our bodies. And that is what Eco psychology is all about.

We can learn so much about life and growth by observing nature ~ the seasons and the cycles. And we can tap into that divine wisdom when we connect more deeply with nature and spend time there.

Breathe in the air. Walk barefoot in the grass. Feel the wind in your hair. Hug a tree if you like.

Nature demonstrates ultimate patience with the process. Nothing is forced. Nothing can be controlled. As human beings, we often try to predict and manage our environment ~ looking at weather reports, fretting about inclement weather, lamenting the stuff we don’t enjoy. It can often be one of the first topics of conversation when we connect with others.

But no matter what, if it’s going to rain, you hope you have your umbrella. Nothing we can do about it.

And our own growth and evolution and healing is much like that. We can do things that support our wellbeing and yet, there is an invisible and intangible process that requires patience and trust.

To everything there is a season.

Finding Your Personal Rhythm

If we honor what nature teaches us, we come to learn how to listen more carefully to our inner wisdom and the natural cycles of our being. We eat when we are hungry, rest when we are tired, work when there are things to be done, play when we need rejuvenation, laugh when we are joyful and cry when we are sad.

To move in harmony with the needs of our physical bodies and the desires of our souls is what we are meant to do. We have all the information we need contained within our natural existence.

Eco Psychology reinforces this perspective and allows us to capture this internal guidance and wisdom that is available to us to make “sense” out of what we are experiencing.

We become better equipped to sense on deeper levels what it is we need in each moment.

This is an invaluable gift for anyone who is drawn to practices that connect one with nature. And extremely precious for those of us who identify as Caregivers and Service Providers. We are often so intent on determining and responding to the needs of those around us that we become somewhat disconnected from our personal nature and the rhythms of our own hearts.

This is key to developing practical self-care plans as well as tuning into the deeper soul wisdom that can guide your experience as a Caregiver and Service Provider and enhance the quality of your interactions with others.

Honoring your personal rhythm puts you in better touch with your intuitive guidance, your creative energy and your natural capacity for personal health. All the wisdom you need is contained within.

To learn more about Eco Psychology click here ~ https://www.ecopsychology.org/

On (Not) Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion, Part I: The ‘Problem’

(Please note: I am offering this article in two parts: the first on Alzheimer’s itself and the second on treatment, to be published later on.)

My first experience of dementia was in my twenties. I went to visit my grandmother in her room at a care centre. What inspired me was that she preserved her characteristic dry sense of humour. However, she also pointed out to me that she felt her life was not at all like the (free) robin perched on a branch outside her window which looked out on the residence garden. (See image, above.)

Dr Alzheimer (1901) first discovered Alzheimer’s disease, the plaques and tangles that are so prevalent in AD. Dementia is actually an umbrella term for a neurodegenerative syndrome, which includes Alzheimer’s Disease, and another common sub-type: vascular dementia (this last one occurs as a result of a stroke.)

Last summer I read Karen Tyrell’s ‘Cracking the Dementia Code: Creative Solutions to Cope with Changed Behaviors,’ (Karen Tyrell of ‘Personalized Dementia Solutions,’ 2013). In this informative book, two concepts really resonated with me. These are, first, the concept of the ‘memory onion.’ In the memory onion concept, people with dementia often revert back to earlier and earlier memories, just like peeling the layers of an onion. Furthermore, not only are they returning to memories of their youth, they are actually reliving their memories in real time.

In my father’s case (he has been exhibiting symptoms of dementia but is not yet diagnosed); he once said an academic he knew years and years ago when he worked at a university, visited us recently. Of course she hasn’t—he knew her many years ago. But then, I always have enjoyed listening to my father’s reminiscences. If a story from his past has meaning to him, then I encourage him to share it.

The second concept Tyrell introduced me to is what she calls ‘therapeutic reasoning.’ In this process, you accept the person’s reality, it is not about being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. It is more about maintaining peace and harmony, as well as reducing stress. For example, today, my father wanted to put ketchup on his pizza. To my mother it sounded bizarre, and yet, why not? If it encourages him to eat, so much the better!

About Dementia Solutions: Ms. Tyrell has a 20-20 service in which you can speak to her one-on-one by phone for twenty minutes. The cost is $20.00 plus tax.

Thus completes Part I of ‘On (Not) Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion.’ In Part II, I will go over what I learned during some online courses I took at the Alzheimer’s Society of Toronto this year.

If you’d like to explore Tyrell’s website, please visit: https://dementiasolutions.ca/

Please see also:

https://www.alzheimer.ca

https://www.alzheimer.ca/en/bc

(The Alzheimer Society of Canada and The Alzheimer Society of BC, respectively)

The Crystal Ball of My Imagination

The fog outside mirrors the clouds of my mind

I can barely see my hand in front of my face

Or my next step

Desperate to know what will unfold around the next corner

Navigating rapid changes

Meeting unexpected twists and turns

Holding my breath

Sometimes with fear

At times anticipation

Can I handle all that is coming?

Will I survive?

Will I make it to the other side?

Maybe, I can do more than survive

I’m tired of simply surviving

Grateful that I have come so far

And ready for more

Imagination begins to open

Scenes emerge so vivid

The mist begins to lift

Clarity shows me the possibilities

Focus sharpens

Vision crystallizes

My imagination becomes my crystal ball

My glimpse into the future

The future of my creation

The dreams and desires of my heart and soul

Create a future reality just as possible

As the one conjured up through my fears

I choose the dream

Can Technology Support Mindfulness?

There are so many competing messages in the world these days. Many of us feel attached to our phones and devices compelled to check messages, texts, and social media even when we don’t know what we’re seeking. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief, we put our phones on silent eager to unplug, only to pick it up moments later just in case.

There seems to be this collective concern that we might miss something if we aren’t paying attention. Then we wonder why we’re on edge, feeling distracted and overwhelmed with all the details of our lives. Suddenly, we realize that in our attempt to keep our finger on the pulse of worldly events, we have lost contact with the beat of our own hearts. In our attempt to respond to the needs of others, we have neglected our own. Is there another way? How can we balance the benefits of technology with the necessity for personal stillness and presence?

Mindfulness

If you have explored various mindfulness strategies, you know that there are a number of ways to experience the gift of internal presence. Perhaps, you have already carved out space in your busy life to engage in practices that bring you to this sense of connection with yourself and your divinity. You know what it feels like to be in a mindful state. The challenge then is to integrate mindfulness into your life when you need it the most.

When life moves at top speed around us, connection to self seems to get further and further away. We can walk around disconnected from ourselves for hours or days before we realize that we aren’t present. The idea that the moment in front us contains the power to shift our experience seems elusive. Instead, we feel as though we can only reach that state of internal stillness if the conditions around us shift first. But, mindfulness is an inside job. It is not necessary to escape life in order to bring peace to it.

We don’t have to spend our entire lunch breaks in a dark room, eyes closed, chanting mantras just to make it through the rest of the day. It is possible to create a practice that includes both foundational mindfulness practices and integration in the moments of our lives. In fact, this is the key to experiencing greater presence, calm, and joy in life.

Consider using any technology in your life for both practical and sacred purposes. What if you used your phone to set reminder alarms ~ ones that will signal several moments throughout your day as a time to stop, breathe, close your eyes, and tune in. Set an intention early in the morning and write it in your notes. Use that same timer to remind you to read that intention as your day unfolds.

There are many apps on the market (some free, some for purchase) that are designed to enhance and support a mindfulness based practice in your daily life. Expanding technology is a reality in our daily lives. It can be more than a convenience and serve our sense of connection instead of serving as a distraction.

How can you take what you already use and make it work in your favour?