Feel Better Now! Resilience Strategies for Tough Times

By Cheryl Brewster

We can’t always change circumstances, but we CAN interrupt overwhelm with better-feeling thoughts. We can regain confidence, hope and the energy to create a more peaceful present that builds a better future.
Yes, we can.
And yes, we must.

It’s what ensures the love we extend to our loved ones comes from a healthy, centred place. It’s the awareness that course-corrects us when that love runs the risk of becoming skewed with doing too much. It’s what keeps us sane, healthy, fueled up to not only stay the course, but to flourish in ways we never could have imagined.

These better-feeling thoughts are like a pressurized stream, feeding a fountain. As the fountain shares its vitality for the loved one or the community, it never runs out of energy. It has a constant source of supply. Granted, the fountain’s height may be affected with predictable dips in pressure, but when that happens, the need for adjustments becomes very visible so action can be taken. That’s why it’s so important to adopt an attitude of “deliberate well-being.” Deliberately choosing an empowered response ensures an “energy gain and not an energy drain.” It’s life-changing to use “what we can’t control outside of us,” to nurture what we CAN control inside of us. It can feel like an impossible feat, but it’s not! Grit is required in the beginning for sure, but as “deliberate well-being” becomes a habit, the effort is so worth the reward.

Author Michael Singer describes this process beautifully in The Untethered Soul:

“You will come to realize that the center from which you watch disturbance cannot get disturbed… you will understand what it means to be transcendent. This transcendence can only come from embracing the shadow which eventually drops the insistence that things be different than they are. When we are willing to let that go, the inner force that sustains, feeds and guides us from deep within returns us to the ocean of energy that we came from. We will still have thoughts, emotions and a self-concept, but they will just be a small part of our experience. We begin to stop identifying with anything outside the sense of Self and over time, we never have to worry about things ever again!”

This becomes so very exciting and so life affirming… but it does take practice. This habit of “Deliberate Well-Being” takes what we don’t want as fuel for what we do want.

Take a mindful minute to breathe and absorb the implications:
• Every problem contains a solution…. I’m going to take some time to breathe into the comfort of this solution, even if I don’t know what it is yet… It does exist. I choose to put my focus on being in the mode of receiving that solution.
• I now breathe out the relief of this better feeling thought… it’s okay, I choose to keep my focus on my well-being, on my decision to stay strong inside.
The breath is an immediate pattern interrupter. Journalling with pen and paper when there’s more time is so very helpful too; writing slows us down so we use the part of the brain that is creative with providing insight. Some helpful journal prompts:
• What if every challenge is here to help me, to strengthen me?
• What if thinking this way became my new habit?
• How would that change my perspective, my experience, my mood?
• What is the most predominant thought/feeling that I want to have in this situation?
• What happens when I let go of insisting that things be different than they are?
• What better-feeling thought helps me handle what’s going on?

From my experience as a caregiver, the “shadow” that’s always lurking, is the impediment that ushers us into something greater than we thought possible. Our ability to “drop the insistence that things be different than they are,” is the ultimate power. In acceptance, we begin to see the incredible number of internal choices that we have in the face of things outside of our control. And we can choose to feel better about that NOW, without things needing to change first.

We can get back to sanity. And dignity. We begin to see that the problems in our external world are best handled from an internal world that feels capable, that trusts itself in the decisions it needs to make. Feeling capable and empowered is the result of right thinking. The beauty of choosing better feeling thoughts is that it’s one of the most practical things we can do; the logical brain can integrate with the call of the passionate heart – the two work in harmony with each other. We don’t need to lose our wits… we can trust the process, trust life, trust ourselves.

Amor Fati – the Latin phrase for embrace your fate… use obstacles to your advantage is best expressed in the words of the Stoic philosopher Epictetus (Epic-teet-us): sick and yet happy, in peril and yet happy, dying and yet happy, in exile and happy, in disgrace and happy. Wow, now that’s what I call Deliberate Well-Being and choosing better feeling thoughts, no matter what. It’s made a world of difference in my life and I hope it does in yours too.

Cheryl Brewster, B.Msc., founder of the Intuitive Life, empowers individuals and organizations to create and maintain productive, inspired home and work environments. She is an intuitive mindset coach, speaker, and joy strategist. In addition, she is an ordained minister of metaphysics and provides spiritual counsel and officiates weddings and celebrations of life. She is a guest facilitator for the North Shore Care Givers Group and loves supporting care-givers having done so herself.

The Rising of the Phoenix: Overcoming Burnout

By CAB

When I think of burnout—I think of a bright star in the sky slowly losing its light, or else, when a lightbulb suddenly gives up the ghost and you have to replace it with a new one.  Burnout is a kind of internal ‘energy crisis’—nothing to do with the price of gas and everything to do with a diminishing sense of meaning in your life.

Sherrie Bourg Carter in her article on burnout entitled: ‘Overcoming Burnout’ (April 17, 2011) puts it this way:

‘Burnout is a cunning thief that robs the world of its best and brightest by feeding on their energy, enthusiasm, and passion, transforming these positive qualities into exhaustion, frustration, and disillusionment.’ Carter writes that burnout, once recognized can be a catalyst for a change in lifestyle, encouraging us to stay connected to our passions (or find new ones).

This is what she recommends:

1. Take inventory of situations that cause you stress, your ‘triggers’.
2. Write down one way you can modify each stressful situation, thereby reducing its stress, then implement. It is through this consistent modification of lifestyle that you will see results.
3. Learn to say ‘no’ to any new commitments.
4. Delegate—even if you know you’d just as soon do it yourself.
5. Take breaks between projects, avoid jumping into a new venture until you’re rested. (This one I find is very helpful.)
6. Control your devices. Switch them off whenever possible. Consider a ‘digital sabbath’ (even a partial digital sabbath helps.)
7. Socialize outside your professional group.
8. Resist the urge to take work home.
9. Slow down, the author advises.
10. Reinforce effort, not outcome. Recognize yourself for trying.
11. Consider a support group. It doesn’t have to be a ‘therapy’ group. It can be a professional group. Your group serves two purposes: a) to share feelings, and b) reduce isolation.
12. Rediscover your passion. You may have become so exhausted that your passion has lost its meaning. Either rediscover it or find a new passion. It doesn’t have to be all-consuming.
13. You may need to redefine your roles at work and at home—or find a different way to redistribute the load that your carrying. Or it may mean that you need to find a whole new passion, one that will offer you balance.

A word on the image: the phoenix image has personal meaning to me as I try to better understand my own struggles with this issue of burnout.  I like the idea of this colourful bird rising out of the ashes, that it offers a sense of hope, a sense of re-birth.

In many ways (at least for me), the process of overcoming burnout has meant, in a sense, redefining who I am and what I do. Reinventing myself, perhaps, in the same way that a snake sheds its skin and dons a whole new one.

If this article should have personal meaning to you I direct you to the full-text of Carter’s article online:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/high-octane-women/201104/overcoming-burnout

Carter writes about women and stress and children and stress. Her book is entitled: ‘High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can avoid Burnout’.  Her website can be found at:

https://www.high-achievingwomen.com

When contemplating burnout, I also think of it like the myth of Icarus and the sun. Icarus heedless of his father’s warnings and flying closer and closer into the sun, and then, finally, losing his wings.  Even if in the process you find you lose your wings, it’s ok, you can grow new ones. It just takes time.

My next post is more along the lines of relaxation with a focus on the coming summer and summer ‘hygiene’.

Thanks for reading my words.

Pyjama University: Introduction to UBCH CARD

By CAB

UBCH-CARD stands for University of British Columbia Hospital Clinic for Alzheimer Disease and Related Disorders

2215 Westbrook Mall, Vancouver, British Columbia

Ph: 604-822-7031

https://card.centreforbrainhealth.ca

Last month I had the pleasure of listening to a 3-hour session on Alzheimer Disease all the while still in my pj’s, which is why I entitled this post: ‘pyjama university’. I was told close to 400 people virtually ‘attended’ the event, which had been planned to occur at UBC but was transformed into a virtual event due to COVID-19.  The beauty of this event is that as a result I felt more fully informed about Alzheimer Disease (AD) and as a result felt more efficacious as a caregiver (as Francis Bacon said: ‘knowledge is power’.)

In the beginning of the session, several scientists went through the process of neural degeneration that occurs in AD and showed slides of what a person’s brain looks like in the early and later stages of Alzheimer’s. They spoke of amyloid ‘plaques’ and tao ‘tangles’ and the two treatments for AD: 1) inhibitors, 2) antibodies.

The scientists went on to talk about a test to measure AD called a ‘biomarker’ test.  In order to do the test they measure cerebrospinal fluid (CSF), the fluid that surrounds the brain and goes down the spine.  The genetic test 23 and Me was discussed also. When a close relative has AD, this increases the likelihood of you getting AD. With first-degree relatives, there is a 50% chance. Clinical testing can be expensive and isn’t always covered by MSP. If the test comes out negative, there is no gene evidence of AD, and if it’s positive, then a gene has been identified. Genetic counselling, available at UBCH-CARD, is covered by MSP and is recommended, however, you need to be referred by your family doctor.

The description of AD would not be complete without a discussion of the programs and services available to those who need them. Among these are:

*First Link (information and support on AD) sponsors support groups and telephone assistance (virtual support groups are in the planning stage for the future) call: 1-800-936-6033

*Paul’s Club (founded in 2012 by Nita Levy) is a social/recreation day program for those affected by early onset AD. (The program is held in Vancouver but due to COVID-19 all activities now take place virtually on Zoom). When the in-person program resumes participants are treated to lunch at an Italian restaurant followed by ice cream.

All in all, a very informative session. No one will ever know I was wearing pyjamas throughout, that’s the beauty of pyjama university.  In future posts on AD, I plan to explore the art of Reminiscence Therapy (discussed in the book ‘Cracking the Dementia Code’), including other approaches, such as music therapy. As someone once said: ‘music soothes the savage breast’.  In addition, I will explore ways for caregivers to de-stress through such therapies as journalling. In particular, I will explore how creative activity can be a means of attaining positive moods.

Note: I was inspired last week by the Walk for Memories Alzheimer fundraising event. As always, I contribute in memory of my paternal grandmother.  I find participating in the event very healing, for that reason.

Stay tuned…and be safe.

CAB

***PYJAMA UNIVERSITY***

Please note: I will soon be starting my own little philanthropic venture called ‘Pyjama University’, making available to interested readers some of my many educational books free of charge. The first of this is material on Cursive Writing. If you would like to receive this material (in a safe way), please use the email address on the poster. This is a unique opportunity for me to further my work as a tutor and as an homage to my mother, an educator all her life, who just recently passed.

This is my email:

cab1492@hotmail.com

Thank You.

‘Bake ‘Til You Drop’

By CAB

‘In times of crisis, the likes of which France and Europe have not seen for generations, consumers are turning back to bread—a commodity the French depend on less these days than they once did but serves as a source of immediate comfort in the midst of uncertainty.’

(Vancouver Sun, Saturday April 25, 2020)

Further, closer to home:

‘In times of crisis, people covet creature comforts, and few things are as simple, yet satisfying, as freshly baked bread.’ (Vancouver Sun, April 20, 2020)

In Paris, sales of baguettes are going up. ‘Boulangeries’ (French for ‘bakeries’) are declared an essential service.  You know the saying: ‘man cannot live by bread alone’. True enough. However, in Summer 2019, I found myself short of cash, so decided to save money by baking my own bread. I had also been advised by a naturopathic doctor to go gluten-free.

Many an hour that summer was spent happily measuring, mixing, kneading and shaping dough. To my great surprise I also learned that my great-grandfather had his own bakery, Bryson Bakery, back in Ontario in the 1930s, so it must be in my blood.

I’ve listed the products I’ve tried below, but by far the best two were:

1. Second Spring Organic Wheat Banana Bread Mix (ok, not gluten-free, but delicious, and so moist!) Unlike the other mixes I mention, this one calls for butter and 4 mashed bananas. (Usually banana bread mixes only call for one or two.) I’d make a whole loaf and take half to my elderly neighbour, who loves banana bread.
2. This is an obscure product—difficult to find. Actually it’s not a baking mix, it’s a finished product, but I’ll list it here because it’s just so darn tasty (and I hate to say it, addictive!) It’s called: Kinnikinnick ‘S’moreables’ Graham Crackers, gluten-free.
3. I have to say I like the ease of the Quaker Bran Muffin Mix (add ½ a cup dried cranberries), makes 24 medium or 12 large, muffins. For best results, use Paper Chef Parchment Lotus Cups.
4. Bob’s Red Mill (Gluten-free) Biscuit making mix. (Summer 2019) Disaster! My biscuits were like hockey pucks! Though tasty, if on the dry side.
5. Duinkerken Biscuit Mix (Gluten-free) Summer 2019. Quite good.
6. By the same company: Bread (Gluten-free) Summer 2019. Very nice, tasty.
7. XO Baking Co. (Gluten-free) Cornbread mix. (Summer 2019) Delicious! I’ve always loved cornbread. My grandmother used to make it. I have fond memories of her cornbread.
8. Betty Crocker Banana Bread (with walnuts). This was very nice. Good review from Dad. And Dad is a pretty tough critic.
9. I’ll add this one just for fun: Goldenfry Yorkshire Pudding Mix, really nice. Light.  Of course Yorkshire pudding brings back memories of the roast dinners of my childhood (December 2019)

Turns out during COVID-19 everyone’s turning to bread-making. Store baking aisles are cleaned out! It’s definitely a comfort thing.  Should you wish to try any of the above products, I bid you ‘Bon Appetit!’