Moments and the Question of Truth

by C.A. Bryson

These are, without question, uncertain times. How do we manage this uncertainty in our lives? Many people, including myself, have thoughts that float down the river of consciousness very quickly before we realize we’ve been literally ‘out of our minds.’ To stay in the moment is difficult. Caregiver Yasmin wrote about it in her piece in this month’s issue of the Grapevine, the newsletter of North Shore Community Resources. Eckhart Tolle wrote a whole book about staying in the moment: ‘The Power of the Now.’ If you are interested in this, I highly recommend you read it. In the meantime, here are some quotes from poet Nadine Stair about staying in the moment:

‘You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it all over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.’

And later:

‘I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.’

On Being Emotionally Truthful:

What does it mean to be emotionally authentic? Mikko Salmela wrote:

‘Authenticity is an important ideal of emotional life. Yet it is not obvious what we mean by authentic emotion.’

And…

‘Going with one’s feelings is not the royal road to authenticity.’

For example, a person might say: ‘I’ll try anything once. I like to keep an open mind’; which sounds perfectly sensible but, does this mean they would try crystal meth, if offered?

Authentic emotion could be something mean, or prejudiced. Is that to be valued as well? Freedom to emote, even if it hurts the listener? They say ‘sticks and stones’ and all that, but still, should we instead value emotional authenticity, with the understanding that it be at least ethical and respectful? Perhaps then. I’m sure that former U.S. President Donald Trump was authentic, in that he was unafraid to express his views, even if they were distasteful to many. Is that the kind of freedom we should value?

This is a thorny question.

Should we value individual expression above all, even if it does not serve the ‘collective’ in a positive way? Where do we draw the line? Some expression, but with a certain understanding that it be respectful and ‘inoffensive’? How free can we allow ourselves to be? Children’s free expression, even if rude, is often tolerated. For example, a child says to her mother: ‘Mommy, why is that man so fat?’ We cringe inwardly, and yet we ‘tolerate’ the child, as they are still learning. We would not be so understanding of an adult who utters the same words. That is because we separate impact from intention. The child did not ‘intend’ to be mean, even if her words hurt or stung.

I feel we have entered somewhat murky waters here. I only mentioned it because the other day, I admitted that the weather, though beautiful, was too hot for my taste. Does this remark ‘rain on the other person’s parade’? Should I withhold my ‘truth’? Yet when I am authentic, and the listener responds with kindness or empathy, I feel ‘heard’ and validated. Perhaps one hundred years from now, we will have sorted all this out. After all, I find people are a lot more honest now about certain issues than they used to be. But more progress needs to be made.

I’m taking a break next week, and then I will be back, in early June. I’d like to write something about the outdoors and how I feel it could enhance my father’s quality of life (he is in care at the moment.) I’ve also observed that giving advice or receiving advice can at times be problematic, and I’ve listened to discussions on this topic. Perhaps I will say something about that. It does tie in rather nicely with what I wrote about staying in the moment, and how to just ‘listen’, which really, is an art that takes a lifetime to master. Pictured above is one of my latest creations, something of a (low maintenance!) house pet.

I’ll say ‘au revoir’ then.

Resources:

Nadine Stair:

https://goodreads.com/quotes/7189121-if-i-had-my-life-to-live-over-i-d-dare

Emotional Authenticity:

‘What is emotional authenticity?’ Mikko Salmela 9 Sept. 2005 in: The Theory of Social Behavior Vol 35 Issue 3 pp. 209-230.

CAB 2023

The Wisdom of the Stoics and How it Can Help

By C.A. Bryson

OK, let’s finish up with the Stoics. In this post, I discuss more on techniques to build up your well-being and then we sidetrack to virtues such as wisdom. One very important point I’d like to mention is the concept of ‘psychological immunity.’ For example, recently I’ve had to bear the ‘slings and arrows’ (to quote Shakespeare) of other people’s rather insensitive remarks. And yet, upon reflection, I realized I learned a lot about humility. Though it’s true the wounds caused by these remarks still scald to the depths of my soul, like the burning embers of a slowly dying fire, still; they served a purpose.

Indeed, that insight is very Stoic of me. That somehow psychological pain serves a purpose, to build up one’s ‘immunity’ for the rest of your life. True, as Sartre said: ‘hell is other people’, but without others, how would any of us survive? After all, we are in this (rather leaky) lifeboat together, so why not put aside our differences and concentrate on rowing to safety? Safety for us all, and especially the children who, unlike us, bear no responsibility for the mess we’re in.

Instructor Jeff Krasno, in his course on the Stoics on Wondrium, discusses the concept of ‘euthemia’, or a state of positivity that comes from living calmly. In other words, imagine yourself like a mountain (any mountain will do, for now, let’s say Grouse Mountain) upon which rain, wind, sleet and snow fall, but remains solid nonetheless, and weathers the ravages of time and the seasons. You can even access ‘Mountain meditations’ these days. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s is very good.

Or as Seneca said (also a Stoic): ‘To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.’

Of course, Buddhism has a lot to say about this. Consider the word ‘Upakha’ (Sanskrit) for equanimity, an ability to meet both the good and the bad in life with an attitude of acceptance (this does not mean resignation), calm and understanding. A willingness to embrace the whole of life, which is an essential element in emotional healing. An acceptance of things just as they are, and not as we would have them, that enables us to experience joy and freedom more readily (For more about this, consult the book ‘Overcoming Anxiety’ by Dennis Tirch, 2012.)

As I mentioned in my last post on the Stoics, these days it almost seems ‘cool’ to transgress rules of order: such as making illegal U-turns or failing to pay for that juice at the bottom of your shopping cart that was missed by the cashier. Virtue, then, is truly ‘its own reward’, as most of us no longer believe in the moral precepts of our ancestors. Rather, it is up to us to point our internal compass to the true North that is right. As Epictetus said (again I quote Krasno): Where do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals but within myself to the choices that are my own…’

Look to the wisdom within, therefore. The wisdom within us all. In French, the word ‘wisdom’ is ‘sagesse’, and a ‘sage’, after all, means a wise person. Remember my post on the ‘Sages of Aging’? Here is a very good quote about wisdom:

‘Knowledge is understanding how to make a bomb. Wisdom is understanding not to use it.’

The future of the Earth, then, depends on us guiding our judgements, large and small, to this ‘true North.’ It is no longer enough to just be intelligent; one must know what to do with one’s intelligence, in order that we may better serve humanity as a whole.

Next week: The art of staying in the moment.

Happy Spring (summer’s just around the corner) everyone and do stay cool. For those of you with a philosophical bent (as you might have guessed, I have it), stay tuned for some posts on ethics, and how that applies to caregiving.

CAB 2023

The Stoics: Using Critical Thought to Better Understand Them

By C.A. Bryson 2023

Last week I introduced the message of the Stoic of philosophers (of ancient Greece) and how we could apply them to our own modern, complicated lives. This week, I consider the flip side of the central tenet of the Stoics, namely cognitive reappraisal. You might recall that this involves: ‘pressing the pause button on your emotional life and seeing if you can find that golden nugget of good even in the worst of predicaments.’

Consider that yes, while we do enjoy clean water and abundance, still…why is it that so many people lack the basic necessities of life, and we ourselves end up spending the major portion of our income on necessities such as housing and groceries? We are all facing the current ‘polycrisis’ in our world today. What does the term ‘polycrisis’ mean? It was first coined in the 1970s, and it implies a state of the world in which there are multiple crises occurring at the same time. After all, we’ve emerged (or so we hope) from a devastating global pandemic. It is not that I’m being purposely negative, it is just that I think it helps to apply critical thought to the whole Stoics concept. Assuming our lives are imperfect, and that many of us struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, it would seem helpful if we allowed ourselves to really feel our negative emotions first, and only then reassess them. We all know the ‘only way out is through.’

I often feel like my life is like that of the character Mr. Bean: part-dream, part-nightmare. I think that there is room then, for both the techniques of cognitive reappraisal and positive thought and experiencing our emotions fully and unashamedly, even if they appear unattractive or unappealing.

Consider the next teaching of the Stoics that I will share: that of nostalgia for the present moment. This means having nostalgia for the moment we’re in rather than exclusively being concerned with nostalgia for the past. Mr. Krasno (who taught me the Stoic philosophy) quotes Carly Simon who said: ‘These are the good old days.’

Recently I travelled to Victoria, BC with family—the highlight of my stay there was a visit to the Butchart Gardens. The weather couldn’t have been more perfect, and all the visitors were very considerate and polite (considering the polyglot of languages and cultures represented). For me, my favourite part of the visit was the Japanese Garden. While gazing at the beauty I felt what I later realized was a ‘satori’, or brief poetic moment and sudden (however fleeting) sense of enlightenment. Afterwards I composed two haikus and will share them here. I knew that soon we would leave the Japanese garden and I’d be home with all the ambulance sirens and traffic jams, but for that brief moment, I felt a sense of timelessness. My life appeared as if ‘on hold’.

Two Butchart Gardens Haikus (May 3, 2023)

By C.A. Bryson

The Japanese Garden

On a red wooden bridge

A young couple stood—

Posing for pictures.

Blue Poppy Restaurant

Sweet married couple,

Together for many years—

Like a pair of well-worn jeans.

(Pictured above is the Japanese Garden. The other picture is the view from my hotel window.)

The Japanese Garden was like a balm to my jagged nerves, almost like a medicine. Indeed, doctors should ‘prescribe’ such visits, as they are almost as effective as blood pressure medication (and with far fewer side-effects!)

Over the next two weeks, we will progress in our study of the Stoics to examine two human qualities that are almost too ‘old-school’ these days: that of humility and virtue, and the delicate art of learning to tolerate our psychological discomfort. Hope you will join me!

CAB 2023

How the Ancient Philosophy of the Stoics Can Improve Your Well-Being, Part 1

By C.A. Bryson

This week is Mental Health Week across Canada (May 1-7, 2023), so I feel it proper that I write about how to improve your well-being by learning from the ancient philosophy of the Stoics. Think Marcus Aurelius, former Roman emperor born 121 A.D. Think ‘Gladiator’ (2000) with Richard Harris as Marcus Aurelius and Russell Crowe as Maximus.

But in fact, just who were the Stoic philosophers, and why am I choosing to write about them? The Stoics lived in Athens, Greece in the early 3^rd century B.C. They embodied a philosophical system of personal virtue, based on ethics, that is both necessary and sufficient to achieve what they called ‘eudaimonia’, or happiness. This series of posts (I will dedicate this month to the Stoics and how they can help you) is based on the teachings of Jeff Krasno in the course ‘Stoic Meditations’ on Wondrium.com

The first concept that I will discuss is the ‘hedonic treadmill.’ What do you say to a multi-thousand-dollar cruise on a cruise ship that boasts one of its bars has over 50 different kinds of scotch? How can you top that? Exactly. We need to concentrate on wanting what we already have: a job, relationship, or family heirloom: think of how much poorer your life would be if you lost it. Here’s an exercise for you to try:

Write down a description of the treasured object or activity or person: perhaps a glass of red wine on a Friday evening, accompanied by a ripe (but not too ripe!) French cheese? Then bring yourself back to reality. Epictetus writes:

‘He is a wise man [or woman] who does not grieve for the things he has not, but rejoices for those he has.’

In short, you are living a dream. Why? Because you have access to clean water, because when you go for your nightly walk with your dog you know you will be (reasonably) safe. As Seneca once said:

‘Happiness is to enjoy the present.’

We live in a culture of abundance. Think of the online retail giant Amazon: access to thousands, if not millions, of products at the touch of a button, delivered right to your home! While millions in other countries live with unclean water, hunger, and danger. Consider all the people who could only dream to live your life! It is indeed a sad reality, yet it is true. How ungrateful then, to complain of slow traffic, or the hassles of road work or construction on our streets—when others struggle just to stay alive another day?

Here’s another exercise for you then: Meditate on what you have, physically, emotionally. Then consider the 150 million people who are homeless worldwide (or indeed, not far from where we live). Consider the many millions who are undernourished, then open your fridge door, and see what wonders you find there.

One last thing: consider the ‘first times’ in your life: the first time you went to kindergarten, your first kiss, your first car, your high school graduation, etc. Now ponder your ‘last times’: yes, perhaps, your last glass of wine, your last sunset, your last visit to the mall. Then consider an upcoming event: perhaps a phone call to your mother on Mother’s Day (May 14^th), what if this were your last conversation with her? (If not your mother, then imagine your last conversation with a sibling). This elicits presence, and embracing the moment as if it were your last. Indeed, even just in one day, we have, to a certain extent, encapsulated our whole lives… Writing this post today represents my lifelong work as writer, enjoying the sight of the courtyard from my balcony represents a lifetime of finding peace in nature. As in a day, then, so in a life.

Next post: More Stoic philosophy on present moment nostalgia and what is within our control (and what is not), and how that can help.

Resources:

Mental Health Week

https://www.wondrium.com

(Note: Wondrium is an online product of the company The Great Courses.)