2 Minute Pick-Me-Up

Resource Review: Caregiver Chat Forums

It is so common these days for us to turn to the internet when we have questions about something, and it’s becoming increasingly common to get support from online communities when we need it as well. Chances are, you’ve been invited in to at least one Facebook discussion group about anything from dogs to knitting. Connecting with people online who share interests or life challenges can be comforting, and for some it can feel like a lifeline.

Why You’d Access a Caregiver Chat Forum

When you are in the throes of your caregiving role, having someone to reach out to when you need to talk is crucial. Being able to unload your frustrations or sadness can help you work through what you’re going through, so you can take better care of yourself and be more present with your loved one. Finding the people to speak to, however, can be challenging. You might feel that it’s hard to speak with people in your life about caregiving who aren’t caregivers themselves, or perhaps you’re worried about talking to someone too much about what you’re going through. Time is also an obstacle. It can be easier to speak with someone quickly online when you need to vent or get some advice that it can be to get to a support group or call someone on the phone. Connecting with other caregivers in online chat forums can be a wonderful way to hear other people’s stories and perspectives, and also to unload what you’re going through and get comfort or advice. 

The Benefits

Online forums allow you to participate at your comfort level. You can simply browse the topics and read the suggestions, or you can post replies or a comment for feedback. Some forums allow you to be anonymous. You can connect with other caregivers who have no idea who you are, which might prevent bias from other participants. Forums that are not anonymous, such as any you’d find on Facebook, could help you to create deeper connections with other caregivers, which could lead to in-person meet-ups if it’s something you’re open to. 

The Risks

There are a few things to consider if you’re interested in participating in online chat forums. The first is that anything you write can live forever on the internet. Even if you are in a private group on Facebook and delete your posts, screen shots can be taken and shared with whoever the user wants to share them with. This is not meant to scare people away from using online chat forums, but it is a reminder to be mindful about what you post – whether it’s personal information about yourself and your family, or comments on another person’s posts. The second thing to think about, is that because of the anonymity (or assumed anonymity) of these groups, people will sometimes write things that may not be the most supportive or helpful, and could even be hurtful. People are also sharing their opinions and experiences, so keep in mind that while their experiences may have been true for them, the same experiences might effect you or your loved one in very different ways. For example, let’s say you ask a forum about how their loved one was effected by a certain medication. Someone might respond by saying, “It was awful! They were so sick and didn’t act like themselves. No one should ever be put on this medication.” Perhaps that post doesn’t get any other comments, so that is the only perspective you’re left with. You might now feel terrified about the medication your care partner has been prescribed, when before you only felt curious. What you don’t know, however, is how many other people have responded to the medication, or what else was going on for this particular person’s spouse when they started taking the medication. 

Chat Forum Suggestions

Facebook: Search for “Caregiver Support Group” in the search bar and you will get a number of group suggestions. You can request to be added, and see if the group’s a good fit for you. If at any time you don’t feel comfortable or feel the group is too large/small, you can simply leave the group and look for another. Note: You must be a Facebook user to use Facebook groups. 

Aging Care Caregiving Forum: This forum allows you to post questions anonymously. Other users can post replies. 

Caregiver Action Network: You must sign up for an account, but you can post anonymously to other caregivers. 

The Caregiver Space: Read articles from other caregivers, or join their Facebook conversation group. 

Do you participate in any caregiver online forums? What has the experience been like for you? We’d love to hear from you in our comments! 

Cassandra Van Dyck

Letting go of stress this winter

Fatigue, sadness, discouragement and frustration often seem to accumulate in the body, causing a subtle build-up of stress over time. Winter can be a trying season, with lowered energy levels, and wishes or expectations around having a festive holiday season. During winter time it’s important that you find simple ways to reconnect with what YOU need. This takes practice, yes! Here is a post that was inspired by one of our lovely guest speakers, Reflexologist Shirley Gibbons. She joined us for a Caregiver meeting to show our members how to do basic hand reflexology on themselves.  

https://northvancaregivers.wordpress.com/2016/08/18/de-stress-and-energize-with-reflexology/

If you’d like to receive reflexology treatments, here is a listing of Reflexologists through the Reflexology Association of BC:

http://www.reflexologyofbc.com/north-vancouver.html

You can also ask the practitioners to show you some simple points to practice at home when you’d like to feel more grounded or re-energized.

Be well this winter.

-Karyn

3 Ways to Manage Food Cravings

When you have a food craving, how often is it for salad? Water? Most likely, your cravings are for the foods that you know might not leave you feeling your best after eating them: cookies, pizza, french fries, pop, etc.

You might be wondering why your body would crave foods that do not deeply nourish you. Wouldn’t it make sense for us to crave foods that help us to feel our best? Your food cravings send strong messages to your body that you need something. If you’re feelings stressed or sad, it could be an emotional comfort. Sugary foods increase endorphins and can provide you with a temporary “high.” When you eat sugar regularly, your body knows to expect this high, which is why you might crave it when you’re feeling low. If you did not sleep well the night before or if you’ve gone too long without eating, you may also crave sugary or carbohydrate-heavy foods, since they spike your blood sugar and give you a (temporary) boost of energy. When you eat irregularly or or when you’re tired, these are the first type of foods your body craves because it knows it will get what it needs – and fast!

Many people think that managing food cravings is about practising self-control, but if you keep the above information in mind, you will hopefully realize that self-control has very little to do with giving in to a chocolate craving. When we eat well, get enough sleep, and are able to manage stress effectively, we generally eat healthily. Of course, it is not easy to do all the time, so please remember to be kind to yourself. Nobody is perfect. If you have a day when you eat too much pizza and too many cookies and feel awful after, use it as a reminder to eat more vegetables and drink more water the following day.

If you’re looking for more ways to battle those pesky sugar cravings, take a look at our graphic below! Print it out, keep it in your bag, and share with friends!

Cassandra Van Dyck

Moving from Guilt to Resilience

“When your vehicle’s engine light comes, it’s an important indicator to get to the garage to find the problem. Guilt is no different; it’s a big, flashing indicator that something needs to change. Avoidance or delay can cause serious problems and major emotional expense to us as caregivers and our loved ones.”

Take a look at this post by Cheryl Brewster, which teaches caregivers how to move from a place of guilt, to one of resilience.

North Van Caregivers

When your vehicle’s engine light comes, it’s an important indicator to get to the garage to find the problem. Guilt is no different; it’s a big, flashing indicator that something needs to change. Avoidance or delay can cause serious problems and major emotional expense to us as caregivers and our loved ones.

The upside of guilt

Guilt alerts us to inappropriate solutions to real problems; used effectively, it’s a sign for us to find that better solution. When we do, guilt falls away. Just as gas filters in our vehicles get clogged over time, guilt is like a “perspective filter.” It can be alerting us to compassion fatigue – the guilt of lashing out at our loved ones can point to the real problem of not taking care of our own needs.

The downside of guilt is much worse than its benefits:
It’s a noble gesture to think feeling badly…

View original post 467 more words

Emotional First Aid for Caregivers: SOS Insomnia By Calm Pond

Emotional First aid

Lately I’ve been going through a period of insomnia, but it’s getting better, slowly. Rather than rely on pills, I took an online course on insomnia (cbt-i, see previous post https://northvancaregivers.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/my-summer-with-cbt-i/ ), and learned about something called a ‘sleep window’. A sleep window is the optimal time during which you will fall asleep. For me, this was 2:00 am. But what to do until then?
I began getting creative. A book I read (Jennifer Hallissy ‘The Write Start : A Guide to Nurturing Writing at Every Stage, From Scribbling to Forming Letters and Writing Stories’ 2010) had a recipe for playdough and I thought, why not? Here is the recipe:

No Fail Playdough

1 cup warm water
1 cup salt
2 Tbsp Cream of Tartar (look for it in the baking aisle)
2 Tbsp veg oil
Combine the above ingredients. Wait till mixture cools a bit. Mix in 2-3 cups of white flour (as much as you need to make a firm dough, but don’t add too much at once). You can divide the dough into balls and colour it with food colouring. Stores in a tightly covered container in the fridge for 6 months. Halve the recipe if you do not want such a large quantity of dough. It works just fine.
Bake your creations at 275 degrees F. The time they need to bake varies on size of creation.

I found that as I kneaded the dough, I felt more relaxed. Karyn Davies of NSCR says this is due to the fact that as you knead, the left and right hemispheres of the brain harmonize. This is an intriguing idea. I did find that if I engaged in a creative activity, I felt more relaxed and did, eventually fall asleep.
It’s not the perfect cure but it sure beats staying up all night.
In conclusion, I came up with a little rhyme:
We all need to be needed,
We all need to knead.
May you sleep the sleep of the just tonight,

Calm Pond

3 Ways to Practice Self-Kindness

“You can search the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your kindness than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? When you forget to pick up your loved one’s medication from the pharmacy, or when you realize you’ve missed an ingredient while making dinner? Practicing self-kindness can help us to meet these challenging moments with ease. When we are kind to ourselves, we are better able to manage stress, and in turn be more present with in our caregiving roles.

Practicing self-kindness comes easier to some than others. You might be reading this and realize that you are seldom kind to yourself when you make mistakes or when you don’t feel you’re doing as well as you could be. When you become accustomed to responding to challenges with negativity towards yourself, it can be a tough habit to break. The good news is that self-kindness is a practice. You can learn ways to interrupt negative thoughts and replace them with kind ones. When you repeat the practice, it becomes habit, and soon you might find that you respond to your struggles with the same kindness you give to others.

As mentioned, practising self-kindness will be easier for some people, and harder from others. If you were raised in a household where you did not feel nurtured, if you are in or have been in any kind of abusive relationship, or if you’re in an emotionally challenging relationship with your loved one, you may experience shame. If the negative thoughts coming up for you feel like too much to handle, remember to reach out to a professional for support.

No matter where you are on your self-kindness journey, you can start implementing tools to practice self-kindness today. Here are three things you can do to treat yourself with self-kindness:

1. Speak to yourself as you would speak to someone you love. What would you say to your best friend if they told you they’d forgotten to pick up their mother’s prescription from the pharmacy? “Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate! That must feel really stressful.” You would empathise. You might offer some ways to help. We can do this for ourselves, too. Acknowledge the mistake, forgive yourself, and if it needs fixing – find a way to make things better. Accept that your loved one might be disappointed, realize there’s no way to turn back time. You can only move forward and make things better.
2. When you notice you’re speaking to yourself negatively, switch your tone. Use the tone of voice that a mother would use with her newborn baby. It might feel strange at first, but switching just the internal (or external, if you’re able) sound of your voice can trigger your body to relax instead of tighten.
3. Nurture your body. Try wrapping your arms around your back and squeezing gently. Rub your feet, your ankles, roll your head from side-to-side. When we are unkind to ourselves, our bodies tense up. Physically nurturing yourself can help to calm your nerves so the kind words can reach you on a deeper level.

PS – Caroline Macgillvray will join our Network Group on November 14th, 10:30AM-12:30PM to teach caregivers the benefits of Qi Gong – a fabulous way to calm your nervous system and practice self-kindness!

Do you practice self-kindness? We’d love to learn from you!

 

For more information on self-kindess, visit Kristin Neff’s website or read this Psychology Today article.

 

Cassandra Van Dyck